Dina Ferdous(Translated by Sadia Rahman):
You need to have qualifications in order to file a divorce; you need guts to go for a divorce. It may sound harsh but still, it’s true that divorce is still a dogma in our society. People still make fun of divorce, they gossip over other people’s hard times. When it’s about women people always talk about her character. People start avoiding relatives and neighbors just to not face unpleasant conversations.
People who decide to go for a divorce take the decision considering all odds around them are surely the brave ones. In most cases, family discourages (mostly in case of women) from filing a divorce. If a girl is independent enough to be alone still society comes out as a barrier. She has to answer questions to all the people who are no one in her life. It’s not like those men spend this time in happiness but they at least don’t have to face endless questions. So this makes the time easier for them. In Sylhet, where I come from, there was a lunatic woman named Surtoon. She had an unkempt appearance, with uncombed hair, sore lips and odors coming out of her body. She used to sleep on the roadsides and survived by begging. Every year she had a new baby in her lap. We had seen her babies survive to grow up, but she always refused to give her baby to anyone. Surtoon never had a husband nor had a father for her children. She was out of societal regulations. No one asked her where she lived, whom she sleeps with or how she bears children etc. She was relived as no one cared about what she does. Everyone gave her money, clothes and she survives as per her rules. This is a lunatic woman’s independent carefree life.
But her story is not relevant here. What I’m trying to say is that we should take things normally as they are, in spite of making a fuss about it. Surtoon was a woman who lived by her rules and we let her without questioning her.
Now if we look into the so called educated society we realize a tension here about what and how people going to react about some certain things. Here you’ll get judged by marrying and by being bachelor; you’ll have gossip about your conjugal life. In the time of social networking, it’s easier to show off. Doesn’t matter what is actually going on in your life you can show off. You take an intimate selfie and that’ll show that you are happy.
I’m not saying that everyone shows off. It’s a great thing to click your happy moments. But there are people who used to capture moments but now unable to do that frequently. They have to face questions about their personal life in facebook inbox like,” Is everything alright? Haven’t seen pictures in a few days” You should not be happy hearing these or think that the person really loves you or cares about you. The person may be just asking about your personal life. It can be that you are trying to get yourself out of that part but prefer to keep it personal.
The most important thing is you are not bound to answer anyone about your personal life. If you like to be in a relationship be in one if you like your domestic life enjoy it if you don’t leave it if you feel like posting updates you will or you won’t that is it. Most people in our society just love to interfere with others lives, be it on social media or face to face.
This is why it needs guts to divorce in our society. It is because our society is not women-friendly. Woman’s safety is on her own. This is why a decision of divorce is a long process for a woman. If someone wants to leave everything including the name behind and have e fresh start even there come obstacles so that she realizes a man is what she needs. Every guy in town comes behind her. The people once liked your selfies but doubted you suddenly the doubts go away and turns into certainty. How does this happen? Try to get the fakeness behind it. Stay away from these dramas for own psychological health.
People who decided to take a divorce give them space. Even a celebrity has a personal life with problems that must be dealt personally. It is not anyone else’s headache how and with whom I want to spend my life with. So just stop bothering about other people’s life. This makes things harder than it already was. This is why people say it takes guts to go for divorce. A lack of spine is all it takes to accepts all the wrongs and sacrifice self-dignity to stay. People decide to take divorce when there is no way left. Try to understand that and leave peoples personal life personal.
Dina Ferdous currently resides in New York. She started expressing herself through poetry in 1999. Other than that, she was associated with Sylhet Shilpakala Academy. She has been a prolific contributor of Women Chapter since 2016.
Sadia Rahman is pursuing Masters from Rajshahi University, Bangladesh. Other than writing, her passions include writing, debating and anchoring.
To read the original article in Bengali, Click Here.