We need to talk about marital rape

WC Desk:

 

Trigger Warning: Marital Rape

“I met him through a matrimonial site; it was the ‘perfect’ match. But a month into our courtship, he started asking me for money to fund his trips and buy gifts for his family. He’d say, ‘What’s mine is yours and yours is mine.’ I was too naive; in my head, I was getting married to the nicest guy.
Our wedding night changed my opinion of him. He didn’t care if I was okay, he didn’t care if I was comfortable…he just forced himself on me and within 10 minutes he was done. I gave him the benefit of doubt, but our honeymoon was worse. He’d strangle me, run porn videos and make me enact those scenes, even when I cried in pain. I was married to a sadist.
He’d call me ugly and say, ‘No one would want to be with you.’ Then once after an argument, he dragged me by my hair to the room and raped me. After finishing, he picked up a bottle and threw it at me. Thankfully, I ducked.
I called my parents and asked them to take me home. So he called his side of the family and they started my character assasination. His aunt actually asked him to impregnate me to show me my place. I left for home.
But within a few weeks, he started showing up at our place, apologizing. After a month, I caved. I was distressed and people saying things like, ‘He might have changed’, ‘It happens,’ didn’t help. I went back to him.
The first two weeks were okay, until we went to Bangalore and his abuse started again. He’d hit me and rape me; my body was in shock. A month later, we found out I was pregnant. And the first thing he did was call his aunt to tell her their mission had been accomplished.
My pregnancy was tough, I’d vomit all the time–he’d make me sleep outside the room and take me in just to curb his bodily hunger. I endured, because I wanted my child to have a father. But one day, he said he didn’t intend to spend even a penny on the baby. I realised there was no point staying in the marriage. I walked out and put a full stop to the abuse.
I was a mess, I was drowning in credit card bills–all his expenses. My parents supported me as I made my career my priority again. I was heavily pregnant, yet I worked non stop to clear my debts, and sort out the divorce proceedings. A month before my daughter’s birth, I was able to clear everything and get a place for us. I even got promoted!
Today, I’m raising my daughter independently, she’s 4. And I hope to imbibe values of self respect in her, values I hope someone had imbibed in me. Because more than my husband, I have society to blame. If only marital rape was a topic people spoke about, I wouldn’t have endured this pain and would have called a spade, a spade.”

Reproduced from Humans of Bombay.

 

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