Anwara Akter:
In numerous patriarchal cultures, girls are brought up with a significant focus on obedience, submission, and conformity. While discipline and respect are often framed as virtues, the disproportionate expectation placed on girls to be quiet, agreeable, and selfless can come at a significant cost: the erosion of self-worth. Moving from obedience to agency is not about rejecting values or culture, but about nurturing girls who understand their inherent worth and are able to make informed, assured decisions regarding their lives.
Obedience as a Gendered Expectation
From childhood, girls are frequently commanded to be “good,” “courteous,” and “well-mannered,” qualities that are quietly associated with silence and compliance. Research indicates that girls receive more corrections for assertiveness, whereas boys are often urged to express confidence and speak out (Sadker & Zittleman, 2009). Eventually, this conditioning instructs girls that acceptance comes from conformity rather than being genuine. Obedience transforms from a mere behaviour trait into a core part of a girl’s identity.
This gendered socialisation is perpetuated through family dynamics, educational environments, and media narratives. When girls adopt the notion that their worth is tied to satisfying others, they may struggle to recognise their own needs, boundaries, and aspirations later in life (Gilligan, 1993).
The Psychological Cost of Compliance
Excessive emphasis on obedience can stifle a girl’s sense of agency, which is defined as the ability to act autonomously and make personal decisions. Studies in developmental psychology emphasize that self-efficacy and autonomy are essential for proper emotional growth (Bandura, 1997). Girls who are discouraged from voicing dissent or making choices may become women who question their judgment, endure toxic relationships, or avoid leadership roles.
Low self-esteem is connected to increased susceptibility to emotional manipulation and internalized guilt, especially in cultures where female sacrifice is idealized (Kandiyoti, 1988). Thus, what appears as “good upbringing” may unintentionally limit a girl’s potential.
Agency as a Foundation for Self-Worth
Disobedience or impoliteness are not synonymous with agency. Instead, it entails assisting girls in realizing the importance of their feelings, ideas, and decisions. Encouraging girls to express their thoughts, ask questions, and participate in decisions that impact them is part of nurturing agency. Girls gain confidence based on competence rather than approbation when they are provided with age-appropriate responsibilities.
According to educational studies, settings that encourage student voice and critical thinking greatly boost motivation and self-esteem, particularly for girls (UNESCO, 2016). A strong internal sense of value is fostered at home by basic behaviour like listening intently, acknowledging emotions, and granting choice.
The Role of Families and Communities
Families play a pivotal role in shifting from obedience-based upbringing to agency-centred nurturing. Parents, guardians and caregivers, especially mothers, often serve as the first mirror through which girls perceive their values. When girls observe women being respected, consulted, and acknowledged, they internalize a healthier model of womanhood.
Families. communities and institutions must reflect on the messages they send. Cultural or religious values need not be compromised to promote agency; rather, they can be reframed to emphasize dignity, responsibility, and moral strength alongside voice and choice. Scholars have noted that empowerment is most sustainable when it is culturally grounded rather than imposed (Sen, 1999).
Towards a Balanced Upbringing
Raising girls with agency is about fostering a balance in societies. Girls deserve to be taught respect without fear, discipline without humiliation, and values without silencing. Girls who are nurtured to recognize their self-worth grow into more mature and capable women who contribute eloquently to families, communities, societies and even economies. Thus, they become more resilient not less respectful; more mindful but not less moral.
The transition from obedience to agency, in fact, is a movement toward justice and well-being rather than a rejection of tradition. By nurturing self-worth in girls, patriarchal societies do not lose stability; rather they gain empowered partners capable of ethical choice, leadership, and compassion.
Bibliography
- Bandura, A. (1997). Self-efficacy: The exercise of control. New York: W. H. Freeman.
- Gilligan, C. (1993). In a different voice: Psychological theory and women’s development. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.
- Kandiyoti, D. (1988). Bargaining with patriarchy. Gender & Society, 2(3), 274–290.
- Sadker, D., & Zittleman, K. (2009). Still failing at fairness: How gender bias cheats girls and boys in school and what we can do about it. New York: Scribner.
- Sen, A. (1999). Development as freedom. Oxford: Oxford University Press.
- UNESCO. (2016). Global education monitoring report: Education for people and planet. Paris: UNESCO.
About the writer:
“I am Anwara Akter, a doctoral student in EIMT, Switzerland, an educator, leader, activist, author, researcher, and a mother. My academic and professional journey is driven by a deep commitment to understanding the underlying reasons and in-depth connections behind questioned and often overlooked social phenomena. Through a multidisciplinary lens that blends scholarship with lived experience, I seek to explore the emotional dynamics within families and societies.”