Breaking the stereotypes and paving the way for a culture of tolerance

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Mehnaaz Pervin Tuli:

Why do people get married? There might be a lot of reasons behind this and we are nobody to validate the reason for each marriage or relationship. There are certain people who marry just because they are completely in love or like each other’s company. There are couples who plan of touring and exploring places together with their own money. I have seen couples passing their best times while taking trips in Bali, Nepal or our own Sazek (Rangamati). If this is the scenario, isn’t it vague to think these couples are doing nothing while living together under one roof? They might be good in their own profession and share each detail with one another at night. They might feel good while cooking for each other and watching a movie with a box of popcorn or homemade crispy chicken fry. Who are you on earth to tarnish the smooth boundary of these couples? Who has given you the right to judge the height of their love and success in marriage on the basis of the reason behind not producing children at that given time? 

I remember a guest at my place eating, sleeping and then passing ridiculous comments regarding our not taking a baby. I think she even asked me in real before leaving the house that why we both live like husband and wife together if not producing a baby. She asked repeatedly what on earth we do together if not capable of bringing another human on earth. I was utterly shocked and pained and couldn’t answer at that moment. Eventually, I learned how and what to answer or how to react in those situations. 

I get mini-brain strokes by witnessing the narrow and filthy mentality of most people in this country. I have good knowledge of the lifestyle and outlook of the people abroad as I have plenty of friends studying in Canada, Sweden, the USA, and Japan. They do not degrade to this level by barging into someone’s very personal or private lives in a murky way.

Do you people (especially some groups of ladies) realize that two people can live together for years happily even without birthing babies? I am afraid to comment but a certain group of ladies is always interested in demoralizing a couple especially the wife and leave no stone unturned to drag them down to ultimate despair. 

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Let us focus on the love, respect, understanding, maturity, care, commitment in the relationships than counting the number of children a couple has or should have. Let us not ask a couple indirectly about their private activities inside their bedrooms or about the possibility of using protection or not. This is embarrassing and very much unnecessary at its core. Let us talk a little more in a constructive way and try to help people if they are in mental distress. 

One more point that I would be discussing in this article is very much concerned with the lifestyle and activities of men. If a man is helping his wife in doing the dishes, making dinner or cutting a whole chicken in the kitchen, do not get ready with slings and arrows for that person. Home is where two people contribute in different ways almost in equal proportion. Men are not aliens or humans with no hands and legs that they cannot complete household works. From now on, let them lead their lives in a proper way by doing their own share of work at home and acting like a sensible human being. I would suggest every mother to teach the sons to get ready to work at home whenever needed and this training should start right away from childhood. Males or females are not born with a genetic predisposition to cook or wash clothes or clean the house. If you train your boys in this way to work at home along with the mother or the sister, it will also help to grow empathy and kindness in them. These same boys will not yell at their wives for not having their meal ready on time after becoming husbands. Let us try to make our boys more sensitive and humane thus turn them into real men. 

There are hundreds of topics that need to be touched upon in order to make peace between people and let others live in a dignified way. I have chosen these two points for this article that should be pondered upon by the people. Forgive me for this advice but let us try to read more books, watch more movies, create art or crafts, travel to different parts of our beautiful country instead of holding back other people by discomfiting and cringing questions. Let us illuminate our mind with the light of broad conception and apprehension. 

The writer is teaching English literature at a private university.

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