Qurratul Ayen:
It’s 5 in the morning, and I’m cradling my newborn. She’s tiny. Incredibly tiny! Beside us, my partner sleeps peacefully. We’ve tossed around the idea of sleep training, but either she isn’t ready, or perhaps we aren’t ready yet. As I scroll through my Instagram feed, it’s now inundated with mommy information. Someone pointed out that motherhood is equivalent to 2.5 full-time jobs, and I can’t help but agree—it’s truly exhausting!
When we dive into conversations about motherhood, we often strategically overlook the fact that it involves a substantial amount of manual work. Whether caring for elderly parents or changing a baby’s diapers, it’s mostly women doing this job, making it look deceptively simple.
I am a new mother and despite my privilege and ability to delegate tasks to salaried nanny, I’ve embraced motherhood wholeheartedly by myself. Raising children and personally caring for my baby bring me joy, although we were often promised that it takes a village to raise a child- reality is, it is utterly lonely. Don’t get me wrong, motherhood is joyful however, balancing baby care, office work, and attending rest of the world while navigating the uncharted waters of first-time motherhood feels like an incredible achievement—a dream I’m outperforming. While I find delight in motherhood, it’s crucial to mention that a new mom’s responsibilities are exceptionally draining, to the extent that expressing exhaustion becomes nearly impossible. You are a mom! they would say in a high pitch tone—once you become a mother, it’s as if you’re compelled to engage in this toiling physical exercise without ever complaining.
I’ve tried to be a savvy mother, exploring approaches like Montessori, baby-led weaning, gentle parenting and so on. I’ve avidly listened to different groups advocating for various birthing and parenting methods. Yet, there’s no winning in the realm of being a good newborn mom. The baby may be cute, but a mom constantly need suggestions. After the big debates on normal delivery vs. c-section or exclusively breastfeeding vs. formula feeding, it all boils down to as petty as “Keep the hat on. Where’s the baby’s sock? Why so skinny? Why so chubby? Does your husband love you now?” and more!
Yes! Mommy shaming is something you can’t ignore, often without a valid reason. The same society that advocates bed-sharing and co-sleeping also advises not holding the baby for too long. With all the unsolicited advice on dos and don’ts come unnecessary demands making no sense whatsoever. Avoid talking about good touch and bad touch, but once in a while, a small slap is deemed acceptable to discipline the child. Postpartum depression is fake, but a man who holds their baby once in a while is considered a fairly good dad! Just once, I wish our society would acknowledge that new mom are doing a decent job. Birthing a human is indisputably challenging, and we might just be the stronger gender, at least for now! May my tiny human raise in a world where motherhood is not exploited but celebrated!
Writer’s bio : Qurratul Ayen is a Delhi based Development Professional. An advocate and a patron of books, arts, and politics,Mother of a shining star.