Sojourner and the Triaged Moments: Part I

Pamèlia Rivière:

Representational Image

In this journal, I attempted to describe my feelings regarding pain, temporariness, and soul notions relating to Buddha’s conceptions. I talked about my beautiful family, sweet pet, and wonderful nature, who helped me heal from Covid. And the ultimate goal of a living being. More than one problem knocked at the door all of a sudden. I realized I needed to do some triage to save myself. I was infected by Covid 19 on August 05, 2022. More than 250 million people worldwide have been infected with the Coronavirus since December 2019. Who was the first, and how did it happen? Where Coronavirus stands today? These are not part of my discussion. Unfortunately, from Huanan Market, China, to my Lakeridge home, Toronto, the Covid 19 spread. I protected myself well, having three vaccines, maintaining 2 meters of self-distance rule, and wearing a mask outside from December 19, 2019, to August 5, 2022. But I failed to save myself from Covid 19 in the end. 


A Battle You Fight by Yourself, But You are Not Alone!


I felt a bit overstimulated, irritable, and disorganized in the morning. Not sure why. This vibe elevated my stress levels. I found myself in a time crunch, the first Noble Truth of Buddha, “suffering.” So, I was not trying to rush through so many tasks too quickly. I was just handling myself. Otherwise, I could end up making mistakes and draining energy. The energy shifted as the afternoon rolled around, and the day became watery. 

This luminary placement brought healing to my heart throughout the day. The vibe was ideal for growing meaningful relationships with the people around me, developing rendezvous, and embracing unconditional love from my pet. I could see that. My loving family members were around me, including my little boy Freducinno who always tries to make me happy. 


I handle my struggle well, even when I am alone, trying to be a pillar of strength so that no one sees me hurting or suffering. Regardless, it was a test of my emotion to such a great degree that I felt like I was reaching my breaking point. The mighty sun, this earth’s great luminary friend, continues to stir the pot of my mental solar house of courage, fearlessness, and seclusion. The cosmos waged war to overcome Saturn’s evil eyes on my health, Covid 19. In this piece, I narrated how I felt when I was under the dark cloud of the pandemic, as everything seemed to trigger my organs. Dark feelings erupted in my heart; I am not feeling well since last night. Oops! I need a doctor’s advice now.

Freddie and I Struggled Together

August 5, 2022

It was a happy working day. I was having a tea break. My friend Loli text messaged me that she would drop by at my home on her way from the office if I were okay with it. I thought it was a good idea. We could have supper together and then go for a brisk walk by the waterfront. My refrigerator contains the leftover dinner I prepared for my colleague yesterday. I gave away most of the food, but still, I had plenty. My colleague Sadaf is going to join UBC as an Assistant Professor. He and his family were excited to move to Vancouver. 

Loli came over at 5ish am. We enjoyed verities of veggies and salad and then had tea together.

Later we went out for a walk. After half an hour’s walk, Loli left, and I came home. It was a brisk walk only, so I decided to cycle upstairs to make my knees feel better. Then I had some yogurt and one small golden palm. As soon as I chewed the plum, I could feel itchiness in my throat. It never happened to me with plums or yogurt.

However, that was the start of a sore throat.


I was exhausted from groceries, cooking, cleaning, and entertaining guests from Saturday to Monday. On Sunday, my daughter’s friend came to visit me. She is a newcomer, doing her Ph.D. in physics at Waterloo University. She wanted to show me her new car and have a good time. And the next day, my colleague, his three children, his wife, my daughter, and my son-in-law came for lunch.

At night I felt feverish and went to bed with uneasiness. My sudden fever and sore throat made my night hell. I roam around in an unknown world with rage and pain in the gloomy night. 

I woke up with a high fever, a soar throat, and coughing. So, I informed both my kids about fever and sore throat issues. However, the next day was awful. I had a bizarre feeling of getting sick with Covid that I really did not want.

My daughter Wanita decided to come home after work to see my situation. She came with two kinds of soups, a pain killer, and a covid test kit. She wore a mask, entered the home to drop off the stuff, and left home quickly. I tried the vegetable soup, and it felt tasteless. My daughter called me in the evening to teach me how to do this test. I followed her instructions, and the test result showed positive for the worst pandemic, Covid 19. 

I knew it. I could not escape from the historical disease Pandemic.

I gurgled and swallowed one Advil so I could sleep. Before I got to sleep, I wrote to my son about my property and financial situation. So, he takes care of everything in case something happens to me. I felt like, what if I do not wake up in the morning? My son repeatedly said you will be fine soon, do not worry. You are so ridiculous! 

But I was distraught.


There was no way that I could sleep for itchiness, fever, and also coughing. I left the corridor light on as I was feeling wobbly. I walked to the washroom to gurgle many times to reduce the itchiness in my throat. And finally, I fell asleep in the morning. But I woke up to a phone call from my relative and could not speak. 

My voice was totally broken, my brain was foggy, and I did not feel like talking. 

I forced myself to pull my body from the bed because I had a pet. I have to clean up Freddie’s litter and serve him fresh water and breakfast. It was shocking that my little cat Freddie stayed with me the whole night. He realized that Nanima (Grandma) was sick. He did not leave upstairs until the morning I walked with him to serve his breakfast.

He has a morning ritual, and I need to follow that each morning. First, I have to pat his head a few times, say good morning, and let’s go for breakfast; then, he will walk with me downstairs. He waits for my patting every morning, and before stepping on the stairs, he looks back to see if I am walking behind him or not.


Freddie is used to walking around the home, floor to floor, at night. But during my sickness, he sat in the upstairs lobby the whole night and watched me often run to the washroom. I knew Fred felt sad to see me moaning and coughing the entire night—my most loyal, cute, loving grandson. I was anxious about thinking if he would get sick from Covid. Poor boy won’t be able to tell me anything. He will suffer. No way!

I was praying for his good health. He is such an innocent, sweet being.


Oops! Last night I completely forgot to wish my daughter. It was my precious daughter’s birthday. So sad!

I bought a crystal bowl set for her new home. How could I forget to greet her? Finally, I sent her a birthday message in a group chat in the evening. It was better to be late than never.

 My body was betraying at best, so I needed a long sleep.

Part II:

Part III:

Part IV:

Part V:

Part VI:

Part VII:

About the writer:

The writer is an expert in Curriculum and Pedagogy (CP), Peace and Conflict educator, in Toronto, Canada. She can be reached at [email protected]

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