Aditi Sharif :
I was only 12 years old then. My family rented a two-room apartment in one of my relatives’ houses. My mother used to have an excellent relationship with them. So, we often went to their apartment and hung out with their children. After a while, the relative’s husband started to molest me at different times. He used to touch the sensitive organs of my body forcibly. At first, I couldn’t understand what was happening to me. When I understood the fact that I was being harassed, I tried to escape from him. But he often found me and touched me inappropriately to fulfil his disgusted pleasure. I can’t exactly remember my immediate reaction toward such abusive behaviour. Most possibly, I got overwhelmed by the fact that I could be a victim of these types of harassment by one of my close relatives. After a while, I started thinking that I had to suffer from this abuse because of my healthy body and ‘overgrowth’. This apparent ‘silly’ thinking moulded my behaviour in public spaces for a long time. I also developed trust issues for the opposite genders. After a few years, I gathered sufficient courage to tell my mother about those incidents of my childhood and I can remember her response. She blamed me for not disclosing the incidents then and now fussing over such little things. My mother was a conscious and sensitive woman who supported me continuously in my life. Therefore, her reaction immensely shocked me and made me aware of the stigma of childhood sexual abuse in Bangladesh when the perpetrator is a family member. This realization led me to conduct my research monograph on the long-term consequences of childhood abuse
While reviewing the relevant literature, I realized that I was never an exception in suffering the long-term consequences of childhood sexual abuse. Childhood sexual abuse has disastrous effects on the well-being of both males and females(Mullen et al., 1993). A study claims people who were victims of sexual abuse are more exposed to childhood mental disorders, personality disorders, and anxiety disorders. Despite acknowledging the positive association between childhood sexual abuse and mental health problems, another study that was conducted on a random sample of women suggested that the severity and the contexts in which sexual abuse emerges can greatly influence the long-term impacts on the mental health of the survivors, which intrigued me to study the variables associated with the nature of childhood abuse.
When I started my fieldwork, I found that both male and female children were victims of sexual abuse and most of the time, the perpetrators, regardless of their gender identities, were family members, friends, and acquaintances. Children, who were victims of sexual abuse, often got scared to share the incidents with their parents or other family members because they were not confident that their parents or family members would support them. Some gathered courage and opened up to their parents or close ones. Shockingly, they were mostly advised to be silent to maintain their dignity. Unfortunately, the people, who didn’t find any form of family support, had to struggle with much more intense trauma due to this abuse.
Be silent to maintain your dignity! This is a common language of patriarchy. According to feminist author Audre Lorde (Ritchie & Ronald, 2001), silence is the most effective weapon of this system. And I consider
underprivileged ones who can easily be ignored or silenced. Therefore, their urge to get support often remains unnoticed.
Nowadays, we can see an increasing number of news on childhood sexual abuse. While the ever-increasing number horrifies me, it simultaneously assures me that people are becoming conscious of the issue. However, an awkward silence can still be found when the perpetrators happen to be the family members or close ones.
In this regard, I can recall the response of one of my participants. How painfully she said, “I wish my mother wouldn’t shut me up! Please don’t shut us up. Break the silence to uphold dignity!
References:
Mullen, P. E., Martin, J. L., Anderson, J. C., Romans, S. E., & Herbison, G. P. (1993). Childhood Sexual Abuse and Mental Health in Adult Life. The British Journal of Psychiatry, 163(6), 721–732. https://doi.org/10.1192/bjp.163.6.721
Ritchie, J., & Ronald, K. (Eds.). (2001). Available Means: An Anthology Of Women’s Rhetoric(s). University of Pittsburgh Press. https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctt5hjqnj
Biography:
Aditi Sharif is a Social Researcher, currently researching Gender Diversity, Historiography, Feminist Discourse and Methodology, Heritage, and Migration. She is also a volunteer writer in Women Chapter English.