Solitary Indication: Part II

Pamelia Khaled:

This is an incredible but painful, true love story of a frail girl after she broke up with her love. The story tells us how a girl Nilanjona was traumatized after she broke up with her lover and how she recovered from having assistance from her kind psychiatrist. It is important to share the pain with a professional and not to impose a stigma on the individual if they are mentally broke. For a girl like Nilanjona, it was essential to seek assistance from a doctor to bring her back to the real world.

She knew it would happen, but she could not accept the fact that Rhidoy could build his own tomb so abruptly. She wasn’t prepared for the test of emotions. She wanted to cement the relationship at any cost. She worked hard to try to resolve it. She was dedicated and devoted. She wanted to clean any backlog and clutter to get back to her heart, her love, Rhidoy. She could not make any changes in Rhidoy’s heart. She did not know what she was accused of. She only asked for pity, mercy, and apology for her love. 


This is the March Nilonjona, and Rhidoy fell in love. Rhidoy had smiled and asked Nilonjona, “Did you announce your freedom tonight?”


Nilonjona did not know what message this spring night had brought. Her life had become dry without love, but the spring blossomed new promises in her strained wintry life. 


It was a dreamy moonlit night, which offered Nilonjona a new existence. In Rhidoy’s love, she was smitten, infatuated, and everything felt sweeter. She was a human in paradise. Both forgot their past and their future. Only the presence mattered. The two souls were together, and they broke the inviting line. They broke the rules of the book. They were enchanted by each other. It had become hard to define the kind of love they had—a man for a woman and a man. Nilonjona and Rhidoy’s love created creative expressions. The art of life. The truth and beauty of their own life. 


Rhidoy said that he was thrilled, happy, and lucky to have Nilonjona’s warmth and love. Nilonjona said that she was his moon and he was her Macula. She had velour and virility. He had given her life, value, and preciousness. She used to be alone, and Lord had given her a Garden of Eden and an ocean of love. I had been waiting for this day. She felt honored and content. 


But now, he was gone. And she felt her pain. Rhidoy, whenever I recall your memories, I feel my heart-melting. My heart burns, and the flare of my pain electrifies every cell of my burn. My sweetheart, can you remember? We crossed the line, but we were happy together. We had found warmth in a glacier. Every evening had been so charming and delightful. Every night was brilliant. Every sound was melodic. We took part in happiness. We were caught in a web of skillful magic of harmony. The moments were full of love and affection. We read the sacred spell of love. The Goddess of love blessed us in the grapevine, and the grapes were sweet. Cupid was bound to paint our hearts. Life was spectacular.


Rhidoy, you said, “Nilonjona, you’ll never be able to live without me.” You were right. I can feel your love. I miss you. I love you. My heart doesn’t know how I got you on the 26th of March’s blue night. You snatched all of my love like an angelic child. Your dreamy eyes, a sweet smile touched my heart. I could not share my love with you that night, so I cried. I felt shy. When you touched my feet, and I lost all the vital control of my life. I wished I could give you my love, but unknown fear came over me. 


The next day you came to me and embraced me in your arms, and you filled me with love and completed my life. We floated in our boat and sailed an unknown journey. I cried like a child. I cried in happiness and sorrow. Rhidoy, can you remember? I have learned only one sentence- Rhidoy, you’re mine, you’re mine.


It has been a rumble of thunder, lightning storm when you announced that all that we had was a mistake, an error, and improper. I felt a shiver in my heart, a chilly pain through my body. Nilonjona’s sky was no longer gray, but it was black with thunderclouds. I screamed in panic, letting the whole world know you’re mine. Only mine.


 I asked you, “Rhidoy tell me! Tell me the truth that you are mine. You are only mine!” 


You tried to stop me and said, “I am yours. I will always be yours.” 


But I had no idea you were so determined in your ruthlessness and cruelty. You were firm in your decision and left your Nilonjona in a murky cavern.


You said, “Nilonjona, live with my memories.”


Rhidoy, you have given me spring warmth in the cold winter night. You added a new measure into my conventional life. It had rhythm. I had rhyme. I can never take back my love. You will find your Nilonjona where you had left her. I dropped every drop of my love in the water, on the flowers, and around the butterflies. They are vivid in the color of my love. 


The moment I had with you, I had you as mine. It has been uncountable, numerous love of spring. The love was like snow flurrying all day. I kept on watching for you, only thinking of you. I kept on looking at the road, my heart waiting for when you will be here. My eyes were tired and sluggish. I felt distracted. I wish I were a bird, and I could reach you before the wind. My heart had all the love it could find, and it runs for eternity. But I could find you nowhere.

Today, in your Nilonjona’s heart is filled with cold dew. She is lying on her bed like a pale, dry, gray leaf. She is lonely and forlorn. There is nobody for her today. You had left her for eternity. Rhidoy, I do not know how you live without your Nilonjona today.


You made so many rules and boundaries and then closed the door. I can’t break through the steel gate to get to your heart. Now I’m standing alone in the midnight darkness, but you aren’t there with me.


My untimely love now brings tears to my eyes. You are out of my sight, though you are sleeping beside my heart. In every curve of my body, you have left your love. This love is infinite. I can’t bear the loss of it. I am writing about my loneliness on the spring sky. You’ll find my love among the stars, every moonlit night, you will recall my thoughts, and I will be there. Whenever you step on your door to look at the moon, we will walk together. Every day and night, each moment, I will announce my message with the wind. You’re mine. My life is lightened with your love. I’m spreading my love in every particle of the atmosphere. Wherever you take a deep breath for your peace, you will take in my love, your Nilonjona. 


Rhidoy, you had asked me, “How much do you love me?”


Today I asked each corner of my heart, and I found I love you more than life. A million times, I could more than myself. Now I am a human filled with jealousy, and you are only mine. I’m simply a human with a lot of flaws. But I love you.

(To be continued…..)

To read Part I, Click Here.

The writer is a Doctoral Candidate working on peace and conflict resolution through science at Curriculum Studies and teacher, Development department, Ontario Institute for Studies in Education (OISE), Teaching Assistant, University of Toronto.

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