Tanusree Dhar:
Behind the curtain of flawless looks and idealized marriages lies an exhausting struggle for self-worth.
While mental health remains one of the major issues of Bangladesh, according to studies the most vulnerable groups are women as 21.5% women out of the population suffer from issues of mental health. Yet they fail to recognize the fact themselves because we have normalized by addressing this major threat as “tension” and ‘mood swings’.
As a women, from childhood we grow up listening to the societal believe of how marriage and motherhood is the so called best chapter in the book of womanhood, that women are like water and would form the shape of any vessel poured into. This societal pressure creates the biggest barrier in a woman’s life. By 22 in cities, and 18 in rural areas, her relatives and even her parents hangs the noose of marriage around her neck ,in most cases avoiding her preferences. “ So what if you don’t like him like him at least he earns a hefty of money. He can keep you happy and getting you married someone who earns this much will improve our reputation too among relatives” perhaps is the most common line the parents tells to the bride of the luxurious wedding ceremony that you attend. Love, affection and ambition are not part of the calculation. Reputation and financial security are. For many girls, this is where education and career ends as their in-laws often do not prefer the idea of their daughter-laws studying or working, the message is clear: good wife stays at home and serves the family. This causes feeling of negligence. If you think this ends here, then you’re completely wrong. While some women still continue pursuing their studies or doing jobs after marriage, they are still exposed to the stereotype of how a married woman should be staying at home, rely on their husband’s income instead of earning for themselves and sometimes being objectified as well as the constant pressure to keep up with the expectations of in-laws, waking up before them and going to bed after them, lack of autonomy, pressure to conceive a child or being called a bad omen/incomplete if she doesn’t want a child or infertile and facing domestic violence (both physical and mental) as 49% of the women is exposed to abuse according to research of BBS makes these women feel as if they are caged, suffocating and even if they seek help, their own parents turn on their backs , telling them to adjust that adjustment and acceptance is the key to happy marriage. Adjustment becomes the national therapy. Due to these women feel invisible, voiceless ,unworthy leading to depression and anxiety.
But this social stigma is not only the villain causing this issue, this villain follows us to our phones too. A few days ago, I was scrolling Instagram when I came across this girl’s post who had the perfect body, thick and long hair and was wearing a nice bodycon as well. I zoomed in her picture several times, checked the comments under her post where everyone was complementing her. Then I looked at myself, my body , my hair, none of which were flawless like hers and sighed, judging myself. I’m quite sure that I’m not the only one who checked themselves after seeing the post. Nowadays social media algorithm promotes unrealistic beauty standards- filter smooth skin, hourglass body, stretch-mark free body, forever young which is equal to chasing the horizon, unattainable. Yet women become stuck in this loop of following crash diets, unsupervised workouts and checking the weight everyday because of the fear of exclusion as they feel that if they do not have a certain appearance then they would be excluded from romantic relationships, popularity , praises and opportunities. Beauty becomes a race of survival. Beauty turns to competition. Therefore, this feeling of comparison develops nervousness, eating-disorders, low self-esteem and lack of confidence. As per to the recent study, it has been found out of 42 women respondents, 28.6% reported experiencing anxiety or depression due to body image thus indicating how much of a threat it poses on women.
Acknowledging these issues between women is a must. While some women fail to seek help due to an unsupportive environment, many women themselves are not even self-aware of these mental health issues and continue to think that it is just a feeling or phase which will go away, but actually it never does. Henceforth, a woman must be given authority and a supportive environment where their opinions are valued as well as learn how to prioritize themselves first. In-laws of women need to be part of conversations that treat women as partners not property. Women must be educated about the fact to see social media as it is: a platform that profits through out insecurities. They must learn and be encouraged to accept their physical appearance as it is respecting what the body does instead of how it looks. Importantly, we should see women as valued members of society rather than an object or burden. Until we retire from the word “adjust” and replace it with “listen”, that 21.5% will only keep rising.
