Mehnaaz Pervin Tuli:
Disclaimer: If you do not get the sarcasm deeply embedded in this article, then it will not be easy to understand the grief of this double marginalization of the women that led to the vent out of the vexation and annoyance.
No one will disagree with the view that education is the backbone of a nation. But too much education is harmful and sometimes it is better not to study after 10th grade. It is enough that you can read and write and can communicate. The readers might be getting enraged of my opinion but wait for a while and lay hold of the inner view. In this 21st century, when everything is advancing with a great flow, what instigated me talking about a backward lifestyle? I am specifically talking about women, highly educated women with great knowledge, creativity, and dream.
Let me ask you. Are you a girl? Are you born in Bangladesh or maybe in one of our neighboring countries? Are you from a traditional family? Are you educated, career-oriented? Do you have a great passion for knowledge? Are you eager to pursue higher studies? In most cases, you are doomed. You will be crucified with penny-pinching words.
What is so great about that you are a dedicated mother, dedicated wife, and dedicated professional worker? You constantly feel pressure to satisfy everyone in every aspect. If you are married and you want to go abroad, then your in-laws will pressurize you in various ways. You cannot leave your husband and go. If you have kids then it is impossible to leave them even for a year and go for pursuing a higher degree. Why should you go? How can you take such a decision? You are a cruel mother as well as a cruel human being. If you are single, still there are problems because the question remains almost the same. When are you going to return and get married? Your age is rising higher and higher even more than the price hike. No one will marry you then.
Now if you are a married woman and also a full time working lady, then everything does not get sorted out. You have to manage everything at home and at office single-handed and no one should help you because you are getting due punishment for being ambitious and self-dependent. Not all cases are the same but in most cases, these are the scenario.
It would be an injustice not talking about the burning issue in a woman’s life that can burn down your happiness, desire for being good and efficient in your professional life. The situation is that you are a working woman, married, and expecting a child. We all know by now that how hard it is to get maternity leave in some private job sectors. With great surprise, some private organizations, schools, universities allow only one month paid leave and maybe four months unpaid leave. Are you happy now to get proper punishment for taking the decision to work even after marriage? The truth is that it becomes a dilemma for the woman whether to continue the job or leave the job. Now among all these stressful hurdles, the situation becomes unbearable when the working wife/mother doesn’t get any help from the husband or in-laws. It becomes so hard for her to carry on these relationships and workloads that lead to depression and sometimes a withdrawal from the family bondage or even leads to hysteria.
As a working mother, you have to manage both kids and professional life smoothly. On one hand, your kids are the most important part of your life but you must also show dedication and professionalism in your job sector. Life becomes a little easy when the husbands and in-laws and surrounding people reach out to you for assisting and guiding you.
Sometimes, the male members of the family will attribute you with the qualities of being a superwoman, super mom who can manage everything in and out perfectly. After this benevolent attributing, the woman would feel emotional pressure to keep up with this superhuman quality. It makes sense when you are not only exalted to this level but also helped by your spouse and in-laws for whom you left your family and started living in a different and new setting. In that situation, you feel energized and inspired to play your part efficiently.
Another problem arises when you are in a dilemma over whom to leave your child when you are away at work. It is very important for a child to have someone to take care of them intensively until the age of 10. You cannot rely on domestic help and most of the cases the in-laws won’t help you. The most convenient and only option that our mothers take up is keeping the child to his/her maternal grandmother. So, it becomes more difficult to think of a way out when your mother does not live with you or near you. At that position definitely the headache is yours because it is your sole responsibility to think about the child’s nurture and care. When you are at the office and your child is with a maid or nanny, you feel restless every moment by thinking about your child. If the child is below five, there are lots of dangers and harm that can occur because the child cannot express properly.
If by any chance your child gets sick or gets hurt due to the negligence of the maid or helper, the sole responsibility is yours and you are the criminal here. Nobody else should or needs to think about the arrangements for keeping the baby. The problem gets solved more or less when you get your partner beside you who can understand your dilemma and never points finger at you for the problems that occur regarding your child. Both the parents can think a way out and even the in-laws can help out when the wife’s mother is not available.
But it is a matter of great gallantry to even think of this mutual help and guidance from the men and the women of the in-laws family because the fault is yours. You are incapable of managing your child smoothly while it is only your prior duty. So, I must say that you will feel intimidated, victimized, insulted, and helpless to make a decision about not working anymore. You would not have felt so bad if you had not passed graduation and higher degrees with dedication and industry. Why take these pressure girls? It is enough that you can read and write, can understand the news on the TV, and can decorate yourself maintaining trend and good standards so that your husband can take you to posh parties. Why take so pressure and venture of being finely educated and ambitious but leave it all instantaneously in the halfway? Have you not realized that too much learning is a dangerous thing for you! Lastly, if you do not get the sarcasm deeply embedded in this article, then it will not be easy to understand the grief of this double marginalization of the women that led to the vent out of the vexation and annoyance.
Mehnaaz loves teaching English literature and is passionate about writing on social issues. She has been teaching for more than four years. Besides this, she loves exploring new places, cultures, and people.