This is an incredible but painful, true love story of a frail girl after she broke up with her love. The story tells us how a girl Nilanjona was traumatized after she broke up with her lover and how she recovered from having assistance from her kind psychiatrist. It is important to share the pain with a professional and not to impose a stigma on the individual if they are mentally broke. For a girl like Nilanjona, it was essential to seek assistance from a doctor to bring her back to the real world.
Nilonjona had been crying incessantly in front of Dr. Green, holding a last mail of Rhidoy. Rhidoy had written ‘Nilonjona, shame on you Nilonjona. You have given me pain. Do not mail me anymore. You have ruined my life. I have never seen such a shameless woman such as you. I wish God would punish with his own hands. You made my life hell, and I wish you should live in a hell of a life.
Dr. Green put his hands on Nilonjona’s shoulder. The chiropractor tried his best to calm Nilonjona down.
But Nilonjona completely broke down and said to Dr. Green, “Rhidoy cursed me. I don’t want to live, Dr. Green.”
Dr. Green said, “Nilonjona, you knew Rhidoy never loved you. He had been trying to walk you up, but you could not. I should say thanks to Rhidoy. I am happy to see the lucidity in his writing. Nilonjona, this mail will help you live again. This is the best gift you ever had from Rhidoy. A tremendous gift of hatred. Nilonjona, you were struggling with life. You were standing at the end of destruction. Today you will be able to build yourself up again through this last mail.
“Nilonjona, you still love Rhidoy. Isn’t it that wonderful, though? You do not know how to hurt others. Rhidoy has been hurting you again and again. I have been waiting for this day for you. Take a deep breath. Don’t stretch your heart anymore.
“Nilonjona, you have an incredible ability to love and forgive. Your mind is the strongest attribute, and your mind is the debilitating weakness. Today March is opening, and there is a new horizon in your life. Nilonjona, please smile. If you smile today, the world will smile today.
“Nilonjona, remember, Rhidoy could not touch your heart. He made life hard for you to strike him rich. He took a rest for a while in your life. He is pragmatic, and he went back. He tried to make you understand that you were in a dream, a hallucination. Today Rhidoy broke your dream by being ruthless.
“Your love is infinite. Why are you begging for worldly love? I do not want to see you in the mode of self-pity anymore. Pity poisons love, and pity is mercy in the absence of love. If you really love someone, let him go. You are feeling stuck in a rut. Now there is no obstacle. Today it has become easy to move on, and I hope you will.”
Nilonjona said, “Dr. Green, after getting Rhidoy’s mail, I felt as if the world was crumbling in front of my eyes. And I am unable to do anything to stop it. Do you think there will be time in my life to find relief in my inner self?”
Dr. Green assured Nilonjona, “Every ending leads to a new beginning. There is a silver line after every cloud. You are not at the end of a wall. Whatever happened, it happened. You have to start tomorrow. Soothe yourself, instead of chastising.”
Nilonjona felt that she wasn’t only chastised; she was crucified. She came outside of the Chiropractic Office. It was a March noon- the first day of spring. But there were no signs of spring. No shoots of tulips. No chirps of birds. No forget-me-nots. Nilonjona stepped on the road like a toddler, playing with a piece of ice. The puffs of clouds intermixed, and Nilonjona started to see her life moving. She saw hope. Nilonjona kicked a piece of white snow with the edge of her boot. Pedestrians smiled at her childish attitude. Nilonjona smiled back. Nevertheless, she hid her pain inside of her.
Nilonjona clutched Rhidoy’s mail, a frozen, cold letter, and walked towards an open sky. Jibananda moved inside her head. She couldn’t remember exactly the lines of her favorite poems.
He portrays the language of evasion,
I am the object of his hatred.
Once, he loved me. Once he came to me,
Then he avoided me.
He hated it, and then he left.
I called him repeatedly.
You know not. Let that be.
Whatever I sang, I sang for you.
When I fall as a leaf-like a dry brown leaf in an autumn storm,
Will you lie across my heart like a fallen leaf?
Did you want this to happen as well?
Does this sense of dried leaves give you peace?
I will fall, but life is eternal.
Today, I am Nilonjona; I cannot decipher the lines of this poem. I am giving the name of the first chapter, “Silent Indication” of my novel “The Last mail” after my favorite poet Jibananda Das. Maybe tomorrow morning, I will be able to bring out all the pages of Rhidoy and Nilonjona’s life. Rhidoy’s love’s mysterious presence made Nilonjona realize that it is not easy to fabricate all the colors of life. Even still, Rhidoy took his place inside of Nilonjona’s heart forever.
To read Part II, Click Here.
To read Part I, Click Here.
The writer is a Doctoral Candidate in Curriculum Studies and Teacher Development Ontario Institute for Studies in Education (OISE)
Research Assistant, University of Toronto. She is also the Founder-President of the Volunteer Association for Bangladesh Canada (VAB-Canada)