Tonima Mahmud Antora:
Human psychology is quite complex; people are always on the move to show off their lives. Someone makes her sadness a big issue and put it in the social media which actually spread not only negativity but also a stereotypical thinking among others. On the other hand, someone suppresses her sadness by putting lots of happy photos or status in the social media which also spread not only negativity but also jealousy among others. The fact can be the psychological one that humans are always in the search for happiness and they don’t want others to be happy. Quite complicated mind setting! Tithi still remembers those days in the school when she used to be a shy little girl who could not even manage herself properly. When she was in class 3, she got drenched in the heavy rain one day. In a middle-class family of Bangladesh, it’s an essential matter to travel by rickshaw, and in rainy days one can easily enjoy free shower by traveling by rickshaw. One of her classmates, named Dipa helped her a lot. She even put her socks out and left it in the window to dry up. It means a lot for Tithi, a 7 years old girl’s love for her classmate was really a wonderful fact. From that day, they became the best friends forever. Even, they have been scolded by their parents for their excessive love. The matter had gone so far that Dipa’s father stops talking to Tithi’s mom after one bitter incident. But their friendship never turned off. Even in their teenage years, they used to help each other in their love affairs. But things changed after Tithi’s marriage. After her marriage, Dipa also got married to her beloved one in haste. Tithi always tries to find out her old happy go, lucky friend. Before marriage, when Dipa was in love with her present husband, she used to wear bangles, makeup, lipstick etc. and all other girly things that a girl wants to have. Tithi still uses these girly materials and also used to go to ladies parlor. After marriage, Dipa started describing everything regarding religion. She started criticizing people for using makeup, having eyebrow pluck, not wearing burka etc. She even shares some radically Islamic post by some radical Islamist to show or prove her authenticity. She even tags several good friends of her, including Tithi, to make sure that her friends do the same. Tithi is also a religious person. She used to say her prayers daily. Being religious, and showing up religious rituals are two different things. Dipa, in a way, is forcing people to do religious rituals as well as activities. Does she want to make people believe that she is right? Or she finds herself in a great sadness that’s why she is giving religious excuses to overcome that sadness? Religion never makes life hazardous. Each and every religion has its own rules and regulations. If a religious person follows her or his religion properly, she or he will be happy anyhow. There will be no need to show these religious activities in the social media at all. Tithi is in a great dilemma that is she the same person whom she had the best friendship once? The answer was unknown. One day, Tithi has an argument with Dipa about mother in law. In social media, there are lots of troll pages who makes several numbers of trolls every day about life and society. Tithi shares one of them in which they are making fun out of mother in law and daughter in law’s relationship. The relationship between Daughter in law and mother in law is always a matter of bitterness but people sometimes make it a fun one to have a comic relief and makes the matter a light one. But she reacts in a negative way and argues with Tithi about how superior or educated her mother in law than Tithi’s mother in law. The troll is completely about another fact. That day, Tithi understands that her friend has lost the capability of understanding fun. Dipa even fights for her authenticity with Tithi’s mother too. It makes the situation worse day by day. After every fight, they stop talking with each other. But after a certain time period of one or two months, Dipa starts talking again. The first move to talk again has been taken by her always. Tithi misses her friend. It was a time when they used to make fun of everything, after marriage they also do so. But suddenly, things have changed as a storm makes everything scattered. Her husband has a very powerful personality. According to Tithi, he can turn anyone as himself. Once Dipa told that she stopped using makeup as her husband doesn’t like it. She stopped talking with those friends whom her husband doesn’t like. Maybe, Tithi was among those friends whom her husband doesn’t like. Or it can be completely Dipa’s psychological fact that she no more loves Tithi as a Friend. People from all over the world think that marriage is the only way in which two people become one soul. But there is something called individuality, someone’s own soul, which can never be manipulated. How can be a man’s presence or effects can change one woman’s life completely that she stops everything that she once loved to do. Love for a man is completely a different matter than becoming a devotee of a man. Or things can be wrong from Tithi’s side too. For instance, after marriage, Tithi used to share her bitter experiences of her in-law’s house with her. It’s a genuine fact that people used to share everything with their best friends. Maybe that makes the friendship worse. Because when someone finds a person in an imperfection phase of life, they just take the opportunity to show that how superior they are. That’s why, people used to show off themselves whenever they gets a chance. The best way to show off is the social media now- a -days. Even Tithi and Dipa’s argument, in other words quarrel, was totally visible to others, because it took place on social media maximum of the times. Dipa gave a status by describing her wonderful religious aspects of life and technically curses those who don’t follow religion properly. In this way, Indirectly she always indicates Tithi. Again, when Tithi found the status on social media, she gave a return status to describe her feelings. Quite complicated media which is called social but not actually social, this media actually makes people unsocial as they fight over internet without fighting face to face. The big mistake Tithi has done by sharing her weak point with her best friend. Now she takes this as a weapon to make Tithi realize how bad she is that she never values her in-laws. The thing is that Tithi only shares her bitter experiences not the hatred towards her in-laws. The showing of love for Dipa’s in-laws goes extremely further that she opens a social media account by the name of her late mother in law. She never drops a single chance to show her love for her in-laws to everyone. She even shares and posts many loving quotes tagging her husband. Love is something which doesn’t need to present its’ presence. Love is a feeling which can be in many forms but an abstract idea. But when someone tries hard and fast to make people believe that she is happy or she loves her husband or she is desperately in love with her in-laws, then the problem occurs. On the other side, Tithi was not a person to suffer silently under a lot of pressure. Hence she could not bear to live with her in-laws and suffer silently. The path was not so smooth, but Tithi now – a –days started to learn the way of passing life in difficulties. Dipa was a working lady just after her marriage. When she conceives, she quit the job. She was quite brilliant and rapidly going towards her success. But suddenly her pregnancy comes. Pregnancy is a blessing for women, a gift from the Almighty. There are also a lot of girls who are working having 2-3 years old kids, even after 6 months of the birth of the baby. Dipa’s classmates are also doing so. Dipa had got her job while wearing Hijab, but after a certain period from the birth of the baby, she is again in the search for a job. Then she got rejected for several times because she leaves all the things to make herself presentable. She used to show many religious aspects, and at last, she used to tell that her husband doesn’t like it. And, above all, she starts criticizing those women who are working. Sometimes it goes so further that she tells that it is a sinful work for women to work outside.Dipa tended to look down upon women lower those women who were not wearing hijab and/or working outside. She did not understand that Hijab is a choice- no one should force you to wear it if you don’t want to or no one should force you to leave it. To wear or not to wear- the feeling needs to come from inside. Dipa was influenced by her husband who instilled these stereotypical ideas into her mind. Tithi reads all her social media status that makes her miss the joyful friend. There was a girl named Nabila in school. Dipa had a great bonding with her, even their houses were side by side. After marriage, Dipa told Tithi that her best friend has changed now because she insulted her because of her small house and cheap furniture. Dipa told that she video called from Greece (after marriage she settled down there), and told Dipa to show her house, then she threw a bad comment on her lifestyle. Tithi consoled her and gave some optimistic ideas. Dipa even gave several social media status regarding this issue. When her relationship with Tithi gets bitter, then one day Tithi finds Dipa’s social media status which overflowing with love with her best friend. Tithi astonishes that how a person changed her colors. But it is totally unknown that what is the reality of Dipa’s change? Is this her religious outlook? Does religion teach us to leave our happy life? Or does there some psychological issues which unintentionally manipulate her to do so? Or it’s the patriarchy under which she leaves everything that she loved once? Some unspoken words are roaming around Tithi’s mind. These words should remain unspoken. Because it’s clear that not only men but also women will get furious after listening to these words. And moreover, many women still love to be subordinated.
(To be Continued…)
The writer is currently pursuing MA in English Literature from North South University.
This is the second installment of the story series, “Unspoken”.
To read the first installment, Click Here.