I don’t ever want to need anyone again

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Anonymous:

PC: Humans of New York

“I was eighteen years old. I went out one night with a male cousin and his friends. I felt safe with him. But he gave me a drink and I started to not feel like myself. He took me home to his house. It was dark inside and I could hear people moving around. I heard murmuring in the shadows. I tried to lock myself in the washroom. But they beat down the door. It lasted all night. They took turns. I was still a virgin when it happened. I had goals for myself. I’d started reading at a very young age. I wanted to go to school. But that night everything changed. I didn’t leave my bedroom for months. I wasn’t going to tell anyone. But unfortunately for me, I got pregnant. I was forced to tell my family. My father didn’t believe me. He said: ‘If you’re old enough to get pregnant, you’re old enough to live on your own.’ He kicked me out of the house. He told me: ‘You’ve used your body once. You can use it again.’ I had to beg on the street. I’d go for days without eating. I hid in the bushes outside my house and begged my siblings for food. But they avoided me like I was a disease. I had to abort the baby. I wasn’t mad at the child, but I had no choice. I was completely alone. That was twenty years ago, and I survived. I’m financially comfortable now. And maybe I’ve found some peace. But I’ve never healed. I don’t want anyone in my life. I got married once but I hated the sex too much. Even then I felt alone. I’ll always live like I have nobody. I’ve made a few friends, but in the back of my mind, I’m on my own. Because I don’t want to feel vulnerable. I don’t want to feel weak. I don’t want to cry. I don’t ever want to need anyone again.”

(Accra, Ghana)

Reproduced from Humans of New York

Further updates: Humans of New York shared the update that “She agreed to go to a therapist for the first time. I used funds from the HONY Patreon to purchase ten sessions and will cover much more if she finds value in them.”

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