Self-love and self-worth in relationships

Syeda Maisha Samiha:

This issue has been bugging me for months which I finally decided to be vocal about, I couldn’t help doing it actually.

To start, recently I lost a very dear friend, she died in way I still can’t come to terms with. I tell you she was one very talented, loud and beautiful soul, her zest for life inspired all around her fiercely. Beyond her vivacious laughter we could never tell what she was going through, never did we have a hunch that something was bothering her so much that it could actually bring her to knees. She was always a very assertive person, someone who sang the beauty of life. Then she left us to wonder for our entire lives that what could have possibly gone so wrong that a self-loving person like her decided that this world, her parents, her friends and her blessings weren’t enough reasons to live for? She left us with a pain, that we can never put an end to, with anything in our power.
I have friends whom I have witnessed to scar their body parts, even snap chatting and posting these horrible cuts, burns and bruises on social media. These are the girls I’ve known for a long time; they are smart, beautiful and intelligent. And all these girls resorted to inflicting all these fatal things upon them because they were abused in relationships, abused emotionally by their male counterparts or just not treated the way they wanted to be treated.
Okay, I definitely empathize them, I don’t want to be judgmental about their pain, but then it makes me mad, it gets on my nerves. A companionship, a healthy one can be a very beautiful thing to hold onto but then it is also okay if it’s not. Everyone out there has unique relationship, marriage issues but what I want to highlight is sometimes we actually lose our ‘sense of individuality’ while being over-consumed by our partners, their behavior and attitude towards us. We forget who we are, who we aspire to become as individuals.
Just because your partner doesn’t treat you well, you just can’t give up on yourself and your life. You cannot just shut down. He is just one person, one freaking person. Just because that one person in the world bogged you down, you can’t let it change your whole attitude about yourself and life. Often in relationships we start to forget to care for ourselves and love ourselves, we lose sight of our talents and blessings; we hurt our emotions, well-being and even our bodies.

Every girl has dreams of a knight-in-shining-armor, more practically of a man who will treat her right and be kind and loving to her. A happy marriage/relationship is cherished by all of us but it can’t be the sole purpose of our lives. And I think it’s very illogical to rely our entire happiness on how our partners treat us.

I want to confess that I am not one of those ‘very strong and assertive ladies’, I am just emphasizing that we should not lose the sight of our own well-being, our own needs, our roles in other aspects of life and not concentrate all our expectations and efforts on our other partners. Love at times does seduce our senses dumb; we even justify our stupidest actions. But we can’t afford to be blind to our conscience all the time.
Life is actually what we make out of it and no one remembers a loser, this is an absolute reality. We must know our self-worth, be independent in our thinking, be kinder and loving to own selves and lastly be wise and brave enough to decide when to cut some people off.
This essay would actually become a very lengthy one if I wrote about every significant arena of our lives we lose sight of when think of inviting harm on ourselves voluntarily. And my viewpoint is also exactly the same from a guy’s end (i.e. a guy shouldn’t resort to self-harm for the exact same reasons).To conclude, hurting oneself be it emotional or bodily harm because you’ve been hurt can never make any sense whatsoever.

Syeda Maisha Samiha hails from Chittagong,Bangladesh. Currently, she is the 4th year of her undergrad,majoring in Marketing and International Business. She is a traveler,an enthusiastic reader and a blogger.


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