“I can’t tell anyone because I am so scared and because I just can’t bring myself to explain how I feel..sometimes I feel so empty, so empty that I cant feel anything I cant even cry, it is one of the saddest feelings in the world and it hurts so much because you don’t know what is wrong,you are just a huge huge mess and no ones seems to understand and no one sees”.
You smile everyday but you smile because you are trying to keep hope that maybe just maybe it would all just go away one day.And when you are with people you are the one that makes them smile and laugh,you keep hoping that maybe the laughs and smiles would be contagious.
I experienced my first episode of depression at 18, I was a first year medical student and on one particular Wednesday everything just came crashing my school,my personal life,my faith and family.
I was so confused and I was hopeless I didn’t feel like doing anything,I had never experienced anything like that before the feeling was so strange and scary(I kind of thought it was karma though) I was away from home and alone too.
For 2 days I stayed in bed without eating,I didn’t call,text or text anyone back I just looked myself up in a room. I was able to get through my depression with my faith,I found peace in getting closer to GOD,it doesn’t matter if you are a believer or not depression is human and not matter what you believe in it still affects us all.
Depression is not a sickness it is just human, it is something that everyone experiences once in a while, once we are able to pull out from it, it always makes us stronger and better, one of my friends said “it brings our purpose back and makes our goals clearer” which I strongly agree with, choosing to accept it is choosing to accept yourself for who you are, accepting the fact that you are human and that you break down and that you are not perfect and can never be perfect, but you can be your own little perfect imperfection.
How you choose to deal with it is very important, talking to people helps a lot,find that thing that makes you happy or that thing or place or person that makes you feel at peace you don’t need to talk you just need to do that thing or be with that person or be at the place.Knowing you are not alone and that your friends, family have all experienced this makes a whole lot of difference and that you are always stronger,braver and better than you think,just know that there are people out there who see you and wish they were you.
Know that you are loved and that you deserve to live and love,you deserve to see this world, impact on it,love this world because tomorrow is the future which we can never tell.
Fawzia’s story was published as part of Sharing not Shaming campaign by SAFIGI Outreach Foundation Ltd, a not for profit organization based in Zambia with a vision to raise a generation where girls are empowered, equipped and fulfilled in every aspect of their life, for the development of the entire world. To know more about SAFIGI’s goals and activities, visit http://www.safetyfirstforgirls.org